Modesty

So the above video has been circulating recently and it discusses what men think about modesty.  I personally could not get through the whole thing – I found the narrator insanely annoying.

Now, I’m all for modesty, I think that it’s great and we should help our Christian brothers etc etc etc.  But I did not like this video at all. In addition to the annoying narration, the message I got was “we men are in an epic battle against temptation and you women are bringing us down. Change.” Now that message is not what bothered me, it is partly true, although I do not think the blame can all be cast on women.

First off, men do not understand women. Women do not understand men. I do not understand either. So here’s my take on it.

Most women struggle with self esteem and want to be/feel beautiful. While some may dress for the attention of men, most dress for themselves, they like the way that dress, top, jeans, shoes w/e make them feel. Women suffer from a whole bunch of issues as it is, and blaming them for your issues, isn’t helping anything. Dramatically saying “no, I can’t buy this top because of what it would do to my brothers” is great, but I seriously doubt the majority of us are so …uh holy? haha I’m most certainly not. The best I’ll do is “huh, see through…what can I wear under?”

Men get “distracted” (haha I believe that was the euphemism used in the video) by an insane amount of tiny little things. Apparently women are more attractive than they think they are, or at least some women.  Some women think they’re more attractive than they are, but we won’t go into that.

Fine. I can accept that men think women are prettier, sexier, whatever-ier than women think they are. But is preaching a sermon really going to help? For the crazily slutty – maybe, for the normal person – probably not.

Most girls are just unaware, and what we think of “immodest” we don’t wear. Asking our fathers to screen our wardrobes is an absolutely ridiculous idea past the age of maybe 12.

I have never asked my dad’s opinion on whether something was “modest” or not, even though he has voiced it countless times – it didn’t help. I just wore it anyways. Was it because I wanted to be immodest or because I didn’t respect my dad? No, not at all. It was because most times, my dad was there when I bought it, and I didn’t think he had the right to let me buy it, and then not let me wear it. Other times, it was because my mother had suggested that I wear it, I liked it, and then waltzing downstairs, instead of hearing something like “oh that looks nice,” I got “that’s immodest – go wear something else.” Which translates to a teenage girl as “You look like a slut.” (For the record, I didn’t. My dad also thought I should wear shorts underneath my prom dress…which he picked out when he went to Beijing, without me. He took pieces of string for my shoulder measurements since I have man shoulders =P)

I wouldn’t say I dress immodestly. As a 22 year old girl, I bought my first two piece swim suit last summer – and it covers more than my one piece. Mother dear has been trying to get me into a two piece swim suit (tankini, not bikini) since I was 12. It was a battle for my mom to get me out of boy clothes as I chose to wear basketball shorts and oversized tees for the majority of my life. Seriously. The first time I wore capris to church a girl exclaimed “YOU LOOK LIKE A GIRL!” and then proceeded to try and make that sound better.

Anyways, that was a tangent.

What I do think is useful is conversation. TALK to those girls that are making you think other things. My boyfriend will tell me when he thinks what I’m wearing is immodest, as well as a few guys in my church. Some of the guys in my church won’t even talk to me about it, but simply come and hand me a sweater. I don’t question them – I just put it on. Recently a great guy friend of mine just came up behind me, and put my sweater on me (it was half on, I was hot, so I had shrugged off the shoulders). We didn’t talk about it. I just accepted it.

Maybe some girls wouldn’t readily accept that – and that’s understandable. This guy and I had talked about flirting and how I tend to flirt with guys without realizing it. I had previously given him permission to tell me when I was flirting etc. (the reason this isn’t my boyfriend is because I’m in an LDR).

Guys: Rather than make videos saying how you wish things were different, go and talk to girls and tell them why what they’re doing is making it difficult for you.

Girls: Listen. You don’t have to just accept whatever they say, I don’t, but listen. It takes courage for a guy to come and talk to you about how you look. Listen to him. Respect that he came and talked to you, even if you don’t agree with what he’s saying.

What are your thoughts on modesty?